A peek inside my successful query letter
And what hooked my publisher
A query letter is often the first way you introduce yourself to a publisher or agent, and one of the hardest things to write! How do you condense your full-length novel down to a punchy few hundred words that stand out in the slush pile? It’s not easy.
But after years of practice, tweaking, and research, one of my query letters was finally successful, and my debut novel, Made of Steam and Stardust, was released on 12 May.
Below is the query letter I sent to my publisher, Laura at Stag Beetle Books, as well as some of her comments about what stood out to her.
Whether you're deep in the querying trenches or just curious about what makes a pitch successful, I hope this gives you some useful insight.
My query letter
To the Stag Beetle Books team,
THE INVENTOR AND THE COMET is a 77,000-word young adult science fiction/fantasy standalone novel about friendship, body positivity, and realising your self-worth. It is The Invention of Hugo Cabret meets Stardust, set in a world in which nature fights back against an industrial reign.
On the industrial planet of Bellona, sixteen-year-old Gerdie Sailor dreams of becoming a famous inventor. She believes that success will lend her the ear of the chaotic conqueror, Seki, and allow her to improve the conditions of the factories in the old quarry she lives in. When a comet sets its course to Bellona, she sees it as her chance to invent something that’s going to save the world. While searching for parts, she meets Fell, a young boy who has seemingly lost his memories and has a mysterious connection to the comet. He’s wanted by Conqueror Seki, and before long Gerdie is, too. While on the run, they discover the blueprints to a terrifying automaton army, blueprints that have her father’s name on them, dated just days before his death. The army is missing a final piece, and if Gerdie doesn’t find it before Conqueror Seki does, the comet will be the least of her worries.
Please find attached the first 31 pages and a synopsis. The Inventor and the Comet won the 2021 ASA Award Mentorship, and in 2020 placed third in Just Write For Kids' Pitch It! Competition and Adventures in Fiction's New Voices Competition. I have also won several residencies through the KSP Writers' Centre and Vancouver Arts Centre. I hold a Bachelor of Creative Arts (Writing) from La Trobe University.
Yours sincerely,
Bianca Breen
What my publisher said:
Your query letter was excellent. You addressed it directly to us rather than using a generic salutation like “To Acquisitions,” which immediately signaled that you’re not just casting a wide net; you were intentionally considering Stag Beetle Books. That kind of personalization matters, especially with a small press, because we’re not just looking at your book; we’re looking at the author too. We’re hoping to cultivate long-term relationships, and that kind of attention to detail stands out.
I also appreciated that you led with the genre and word count, which helped frame everything that followed. From there, you moved smoothly into the core themes and emotional drive of the story. I loved that you highlighted friendship, body positivity, and self-worth, all powerful, resonant topics, and it's refreshing to see them centered in a speculative setting.
What really pulled me in was Gerdie’s motivation in trying to create real change in her community by catching the ear of a chaotic conqueror is such a unique and meaningful goal. Her relationship with Fell and the mystery surrounding the comet gave the pitch a strong sense of urgency and adventure, while the discovery of the automaton blueprints with her father’s name added a deeply personal hook. That twist raised the stakes beautifully.
You also made it easy for us to learn more about you by including your links at the bottom. A small thing, but it really matters, especially when we’re evaluating not just a manuscript but a potential partnership.
No matter where you are in your writing journey, I hope this helped, and I wish you all the luck with your own querying!
This is such an interesting (and useful) peep behind the scenes. Thank you for sharing, Bianca. 😊
This is a great query letter! Congrats!